


Honey and Cinnamon

by CaitClandestine



Category: All Time Low
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 21:04:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitClandestine/pseuds/CaitClandestine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Alex wants to do is be a good boy, but there's just one little thing he can't do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honey and Cinnamon

Alex shifts restlessly underneath the blankets, tries to subtly inch himself out of Jack's all encompassing grip on him as the other man snores softly. It hurts. He has to go so very, very badly that it feels like he might actually wet himself if he doesn't get up right at this moment.

But he doesn't want to get up, he wants to stay in bed and wet his diaper so he can wake Jack to get the praise he so desparately desires, achieve that sense of self-satisfaction he knows lies just on the other side of his stubborn body.

After months of negotiation and Jack assuring him that it was okay, that he's absolutely into being this way with Alex, being his parents of sorts, his daddy and nearly a month of Alex wearing diapers whenever he's wanted he still can't let go.

He wants to, oh how he wants to. It's a mental thing, Alex knows, everyone's trained as children to only ever go in the bathroom or as boys, maybe a car tyre or a nearby bush. Drunk-off-his-proverbial-tits-Alex has no problem going wherever.

But this, this seems unattainable. No matter what he does his body refuses to let him wet himself. Which is why, at four am he's crawling out of bed with an ache in his gut because he's too stubborn to stop trying to force himself into it.

Jack doesn't know. They've discussed things and decided that really wetting is as far of either of them want to go and even then only sometimes. But it's got to happen at least once to make it a sometimes and Alex doesn't want Jack to think he's a failure, that he can't do something so simple, so easy. He doesn't want to be a bad boy.

Jack's left the ball in his court as to when and where he'll be ready and Alex just keeps pretending that he's not there yet.

The thing is it's difficult to carry on pretending that you're enjoying yourself when you're constantly stressed out and one of the main drawcards to Alex settling into his childlike mindset is that he can escape the stress of real life, the way anxiety sometimes seems to draw it's strength from his bones. Alex isn't a baby exactly, more of a toddler come sligthly older child, depending on the day and whether or not he feels like talking. With Jack it's definitively sexual most of the time because outside of this they're both sexual guys and there's no reason they can't enjoy themselves however the hell they want and the knowledge that Jack gets off on him, no matter if he's big or little is a huge fucking turn on.

If only he could achieve this one, simple thing.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a sunny afternoon nearly a week later and Alex is being little Alex, sprawled out across the living room floor in his firetruck onesie, diaper in place as he uses a myriad of crayons to colour one of the princesses in his colouring book. Jack's sitting on the couch, his glasses on as he flips through a music magazine and it's peaceful. Or it would be, if Alex didn't once again really, really have to pee.

He keeps colouring through, tries to empty his mind in yet another attempt to empty his bladder. He's so, so close and he wiggles his hips against the floor, feels the soft padding of the diaper between his legs.

But then, what if it leaks? What if he makes a mess of himself and the rug? Daddy Jack doesn't like it when Alex makes a mess. Alex frowns and resists the urge to let out a childish whine of frustration.

“Everything okay baby?” Comes Jack's voice from behind him and Alex doesn't know what to say, just settles for shifting around and making his eyes all big and round, nudging the tip of thumb into his mouth.

“Snack?”

Daddy Jack smiles at him, closing his magazine and resting it beside him.

“You keep colouring like a good boy, and i'll see what I can do.”

All Alex wants to be is a good boy but he can't be, not really, not until he proves himself.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It all comes to a head nearly a fortnight later, Alex cocooned in a soft blue blanket on Jack's lap as his daddy rubs his tummy after his bottle and Alex wants to let go, he does but he can't and he can't keep himself together enough and a weird, choked sob comes out of his mouth, a lump thick in his throat.

“Hey, hey” Jack coos, confused as why Alex is suddently so upset. “What's wrong?”

Alex shakes his head and tries to curl further into the blankets, to ignore the weird rush in his head as he comes in his adult mindset again, cheeks red with shame.

“Alex,” Jack says again, a little more urgency in his tone. “Baby, you gotta talk to me, please”

Alex isn't generally like this and it's one of the few times Jack can't read him, has no idea what's going on, they'd just been having a nice, quiet evening and probably an early night. He never wants to see Alex cry over anything.

Alex squirms then, fingers yanking the blanket from around himself as he practically throws himself away from Jack, not sparing a second glance back as he bolts from the room, running into the bathroom and slamming and locking the door shut behind him, leaning against it as he slides down to sit on the cold tiles, hugging his knees to his chest. He's such a failure and now he's messing up their adult relationship as well.

There's footsteps in the hall and Alex knows that he should open the door, explain everything to Jack and not hide himself away like a child and the irony of the situation just makes everything worse and so he stays where he is, racking his brain for another explanation, anything but the truth.

“Alex? Alex?”

Jack tries the door but it's locked and he knocks frantically. “Alex whatever it is it's okay, just let me in and we can talk”

“I can't” Alex whispers, because he can't tell Jack, can't have him be disappointed.

“Please” Jack pleads, letting his head thud against the door. “I promise we can work it out, even if I have to call Rian”

Alex smiles a little because Jack's the sweetest, goodest man there ever was. He reaches up to unlock the door, knows Jack can hear it turning.

The door opens immediately, Jack suddenly there all at once, pulling Alex into his arms.

“You shouldn't be sitting on the cold floor” Jack says quietly, tugging Alex's legs over his thighs.

Alex lets him, because he owes his boyfriend at least that much. 

“Now, what's go you so worked up?”

They're not doing anything at the moment, on break from tour and not recording and as far he knows everyone's fine which means it's a them problem and considering what they'd been doing just now, a very specific them problem.

Alex shakes his head. He can't.

“Lex” Jack presses, “You know there's nothing you can't tell me”

“I can't” Alex says in a tiny voice. “I can't”

“You can” Jack soothes, not sure what else he can do. Alex is notorious for keeping secrets, important things to himself.

He nuzzles into Alex's hair, prepared to wait until Alex decides if he really can't. Jack won't push him if that's the case.

It takes a good few minutes, Alex shifting in his lap and fisting his hands in Jack's shirt as Jack rubs up and down Alex's bare arms, skin cold now they're in their always freezing bathroom.

Alex sighs. He has to come out with it, not because he wants to but because he doesn't want Jack to worry, to think that somethings seriously wrong, that he's not okay. Alex is so, so okay these days it's unbelievable.

“It's just, I can't.” He murmurs.

“Can't what?”

Alex swallows past the lump in his throat, presses closer into Jack.

“You know how we had that talk about us, other us a while ago?”

Jack hmms thoughtfully, lets Alex find his own words.

“I can't like, go, I keep trying and trying but I can't and i'm a failure and i'm so, so sorry”

Of all the things about them, Jack wasn't quite expecting this one and Alex is crying again, little fitful noises as he tries to keep quiet. For the last few months they've been waiting for Alex to be ready and Jack had assumed that Alex would let him know when that was. Fuck.

“God Alex no, you're not a failure” He says quickly, wiping the tears from Alex's cheeks. “And you're not a dissapointment either” He adds, knows how Alex's mind works.

“We don't have to if you don't want, but if you do then we can find a way that you're comfortable with”

Jack knows how much Alex wants it but he's obligated to provide an out as the sort of adult in the situation. Alex just makes him want to be better sometimes, reigns him in a little.

“I do want” Alex mumbles. “I want to be a good boy”

“I know” Jack tilt Alex's chin towards him, brushes their noses together. “You're always my good boy”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In light of their current situation, Jack does what any good parent would do and turns to the internet for help. 

It turns out it's not exactly an uncommon thing for which Jack is thankful, because it means there's a variety of discussions about people who well, can't go. Shyness. It's nice to know he's they're not the only ones trying to deal with this situation. And there's plenty of suggestions and in a world first, Jack grabs a pen and an old envelope, makes a list of things to try.


End file.
